A Touch in the Past

     Many summers had passed since the last time I wrote to you. It is not that we have not been in touch, it is that, once again…you make me feel. Is a sensorial attraction…is remembering your breath on my neck; the touch of your skin against mine. The way our hands interlock when we walk together thru ethereal fields. Our conspiracy to cover this from others; the way we acted when others witnessed. I am having problems putting my words together. In the past, I wrote from an innocent perspective that you did not take away. Now, I still think what if…you did. You were close, but never there. Now it is difficult to explain that you are still causing me to have the same feelings. Something pure, something innocent that I wish will take me away. I cannot get too personal for the worry that someone else can read this letter, but I still hope you know that you started all this the same way my life was stopped before. Years ago, I stepped into someone else skin because of you. I started to feel and live as a different person. Even with you, I pretended to be someone new. I do not know how it happened. I do not know why I changed. I can only say that I heard your voice again and understood that I can no longer live like this. I still remember the first time I saw you and it really did not make a difference to me. However, I cannot take you out of my mind since the first time I put eyes on you. Or should I say? Since the moment I put my arms around you. I miss the way you make me feel about myself. I think about you and remember how I was, the dreams and the shine of my days. I feel like I am in love again. In love with life and myself, making stories in my mind that have never happened or are never going to happen.

     Just like before…we cannot be together. I am at fault this time. I cannot just let go, but I wish you understand and stay close to nurture my fantasies and guard my dreams. How I can explain to you that you are still in my mind, but not in my heart. I really do not think you were never there. You and I never existed; we were just a beautiful mirage. You live thru my eyes sweeten my thoughts. When I look back, I think this never happened that I just imagined it. Now, I am just waiting for a confirmation that all this was real, at least for me.

Love,

Jill

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